I rolled over this morning with my alarm screaming into my ear, as if were saying, “Wake up!  You failed again!  Go ahead and lie to yourself this morning, make more empty promises that we both know you can’t keep!”  Last night, after a few days sober, I convinced myself that I should drink one last time.  Ha!  If you are wondering what could be funny about that, it’s the fact that this is a cycle I go through quite often.

Today is different.  Why?  Because I made some very courageous steps this morning that I have never done before.  I sent a long text to my husband that said something like this:

“I am an alcoholic. I am not ready to talk about it, but I want you to know that I need to make some changes, which include not being around it for a while.  I think that our lives will be richer and happier this way.”

It took everything I had in me to hit send.  He replied shortly after telling me that he would support me in any way he could and that he was there when I was ready to talk.  I then logged onto the Booze Free Brigade and admitted my mistake.  I also asked for friends to help.  I got an overwhelming response of ladies giving me their phone numbers and telling me to text or call them anytime I felt that I needed to.  I have five other women struggling with the same addiction that I can reach in seconds to talk.

The last thing I did this morning that is very new and frightening for me is to start this blog.  In the least, I hope it helps me stay accountable and becomes a place for me to openly express the truth of what I am going through.  I hope that it can also become a vehicle to help others in some way.

Welcome to my last day one.  Welcome to my new life.

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