Archive for November, 2013

Sober Bitch

Posted: November 7, 2013 in Uncategorized

As I counted my sober days, realizing that I did not have any of the scary withdrawal symptoms that I had been fearing, I became increasingly agitated.  What was I mad about?  EVERYTHING. My husband scratched his head and the noise made my skin crawl.  I would snap at him and not be able to explain why.  My coworkers would tell a story that I didn’t find funny, and I would begin to feel an evil sarcasm rising in my throat.  I started eating lunch alone or away from others just because everything that everyone did made me want to scream at them. 

I was being a huge bitch and I knew it, but I couldn’t help it.  So I took a drink.  I stopped counting the days and I all but stopped reaching out and posting here.  Ironically, though, after drinking, I realized something.  That little sober bitch was nothing compared to the angry person I was as a drunk.  And as it turns out, increased agitation is just part of the process that I have to go through to become sober and happy.  So maybe relapsing was a mistake, but I learned something from it, and I haven’t lost everything that I have gained up to this point. 

After talking to others, I learned that the things I was feeling and projecting at others actually are withdrawal symptoms.  They just weren’t the ones I was scared of.  They weren’t the ones I was prepared to handle.  Lesson learned.  Today I woke up and said to myself, “Welcome back, sober bitch.”